On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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