My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
