we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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