Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
