its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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