Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
