I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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