just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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