what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
