I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
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