At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
