The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
