Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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