wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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