OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Blood and glitter go together right?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
