Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
