Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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