i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
