its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
