So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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