My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
