Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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