there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
