id be glad to
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
