its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
