i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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