i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
