Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
