we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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