sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
