i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
