First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize