they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It's shark week go big or go home
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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