i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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