Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
So gin and wine won't be happening again
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Pants are for mortals
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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