By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
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