We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
