Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
