absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
