So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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