I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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