I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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