id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
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I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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