Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
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You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
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Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
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