I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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