i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
