No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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