Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
