We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
