had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
