Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
