Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Randomize
