He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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