omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
