When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
