He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
