They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
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see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
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You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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