WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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