It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
