My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Randomize
