u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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