my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
