I've blown a few things in my day
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
