Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
