i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
