He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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