One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
