If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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