You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
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