i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
