It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
