eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
