Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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