Already got asked if we're dating
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
i think my cat just said my name.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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